


Love You Still

by TheNorthRemembers



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Christmas fic, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, this is a secret santa gift to my dear friend raccoon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 04:06:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9105994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNorthRemembers/pseuds/TheNorthRemembers
Summary: secret santa gift:dardoch and lourlo spent christmas together and talk about their relationship





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RaccoonBot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaccoonBot/gifts).



“This is our first Christmas together, can you believe it?”

 

Josh looked up, finding Sam standing in the doorway, arms crossed and a thoughtful expression on his face. He was wearing a simple dark blue shirt now, no longer the horrible Christmas jumper from earlier that had been a gift from Josh’s mom. Josh had called Sam an idiot for wearing it for hours just to make his mom smile. They both knew how much Sam disliked the itchy feeling on his skin.

 

Later he had kissed Sam for it though, because fuck, even though Sam knows how Josh means this shit it still feels necessary sometimes to remind him. Josh knows he isn’t the nicest person around and he’s more grateful than he’d ever admit for Sam being one of the few people to love him anyway.

 

Josh rolls his eyes and mutes the TV, patting the spot on the bed next to him, gesturing for Sam to join him.

 

“What do you mean?” Josh asks when Sam is settled in next to him, warm and perfect against his side.

 

“I just mean…”  Sam shrugs, glancing up at Josh, intertwining their fingers. “A year ago I celebrated Christmas with my family and I didn’t even knew you. It was perfect. And now I can’t even imagine spending Christmas without you. I’d miss you too much.”

 

“You are so cheesy.” Josh groans, but when Sam moves to press a short sweet kiss onto his lips, he still leans in, closes his eyes, savors the feelings of Sam’s unashamed affection.

 

“I guess I am.” Sam says and his tone is perfectly fine. Happy, sweet, all that. He’s not hurt or taken aback by Josh kind of mocking him. He’s used to it, he knows how Josh means it, but still somehow a feeling of uneasiness settles in Josh’s chest.

 

He loves Sam. And Sam knows that. But sometimes it still feels like Sam is giving more than Josh. Maybe… not more, but maybe in a  different way. More open, more light and warm.

 

That isn’t Josh. He isn’t one for romance and cheesy shit, never liked this stuff and it’s not like Sam is a full on crazy lovey dovey romantic kinda guy but he sure as hell is closer to it than Josh is. Like they are on TV in all these romantic Christmas movies. The guys with their perfect hair and grand gestures and red roses and everything.

 

He doesn’t have that for Sam and he wouldn’t be comfortable with it, but he still feels like for once he should maybe try to voice what he’s feeling and thinking and not just in sarcastic throw away lines but for real, as well as he can manage. For Sam.

 

Josh clears his throat. “…I agree though.”

 

Sam looks up, seemingly a little surprised like he just assumed their conversation was over. “You agree that it’s crazy or that you’d miss me too?”

 

Josh resists the urge to roll his eyes again and instead opts for a smirk. “Both.” he says and before he can say anything else (not that he had anything ready but still) Sam’s lips brush over his, first soft and tenderly, then deeper, his hand cupping Josh’s jaw, pulling him into the kiss.

 

They kiss like this for a while, slow and open mouthed with no rush, no urgency, just them, being together. It’s fucking amazing and when they finally stop, Sam snuggling up to Josh’s side again, Josh can’t help but smile. Last year around this time he’d never thought he’d be this happy.

 

_Crazy, indeed._

 

“Do you ever wonder how we would have met?” Sam asks after a while, not looking up, his head still comfortably resting on Josh’s shoulder. “If we didn’t live this life? Pro-gamers and all that?”

 

“We wouldn’t have.” Josh says after only a moment. “Probably. You would have gone to college, university, some smart shit.  And I…” he hesitates, if he weren’t a pro-gamer, who would he be? He has no idea. _This_ is who he is. Dardoch. Top class Jungler. Trash talker. Sam’s best friend. “I  don’t know where I’d end up. Sure as hell not college though.”

 

“You could do college.” Josh can basically hear the frown in Sam’s voice. “If you just tried. You are smart.”

 

“Sam-“

 

“You are.” Sam insists in that damn honest voice of his and Josh really doesn’t feel like arguing. It’s not that he thinks he’s stupid. He knows he’s not. Just not book smart. Not college smart. There is no need for Sam to cheer him up about something that doesn’t even bother him. “And I do think we would have met. Somehow. Somewhere.”

 

“Why?” Josh asks, half a laugh already on his lips, “Because we are meant to be? Soulmates?”

 

Sam shoves him and Josh laughs.

 

“Don’t make fun of me. It’s Christmas, you dick.” Sam pouts but the tone of his voice is too upbeat for him to be really hurt by Josh’s playful mockery.

 

“It’s still stupid.” Josh points out “No matter what day it is.”

 

Sam doesn’t reply, instead he looks away, his shoulders slightly hinged as he sighs almost inaudibly and _oh_ maybe Josh misread the situation. Maybe Sam isn’t up for jokes and shit. Maybe it’s not the time or the topic to tease him like this.

 

Josh clears his throat, awkwardly nudging Sam with his elbow until he looks at him.

 

“Sam, I just mean,” Josh pauses trying to find words that don’t sound clumsy and harsh or anything else he’s used to. “I love you. You love me. Doesn’t have shit to do with fate or whatever. It’s just us and I…I like that.”

 

Sam seems a bit more content with that a smile tugging at his lips, as he lets Josh wrap an arm around his shoulder again.

 

“I think it’s a nice thought though.” Sam mumbles after a moment “I’d like every me, in every version of reality, to find a you. That’s all.”

 

“Really?” Josh quirks an eyebrow, “What if other me is a dick?”

 

Sam laughs at that and the sound of it makes Josh smile in such a stupid way, he hides his face in Sam’s hair.

 

“I thought _I_ already got the dick version of you?”

 

“Shut up.” Josh says still smiling, for once not caring about coming up with some sharp tongued comeback.

 

“Oh and aside from that,” Sam gives him a cheeky grin that has Josh  raise his eyebrows expectantly. “Maybe I’m the dick? In some other life.”

 

Josh can’t help but laugh. “You?” No. No way. Sure Sam isn’t an innocent naive pushover, but he’s nice and kind and in no version of the universe Josh can imagine Sam being an arse. It’s just not him.

 

Sam raises his chin challengingly. “Yes. Me.”

 

“Oh, really?” Josh grins, deciding to play along. “Then tell me about him. Tell me about hardcore arsehole Samson. C’mon, Sammy.”

 

“Well…” Sam bites his lip, making his thinking face, “Maybe he- Maybe in some other life I’m….mmh...military?”

 

“No, you are not.” Josh says, shaking his head and he almost starts laughing again. “No fucking way.”

 

“I could be!” Sam argues but even he can’t keep a straight face, pressing it into the crook of Josh’s neck for a short moment to stifle his giggle.

 

“Yeah right.” Josh pats Sam’s head. “You’d get yourself blown up or something.”

 

Smiling gets harder now. It’s all fun and games but he still doesn’t like imagining this.

 

“I wouldn’t.” Sam says, “I’d be this kickass soldier guy and you’d be my trophy husband waiting for me at home.”

 

“Husband? So we are married in this scenario?”

 

Sam shrugs, “Maybe.” Then he presses a kiss on Josh’s lips, just for emphasizes it seems but there’s a twinkle in his eyes that makes Josh feel all warm inside.

 

“We wouldn’t be.” He still says and despite trying to he can’t quite manage to make it sound cheery and fun. “You’d get yourself killed and I wouldn’t want to stick around for that.”

 

“What?” Sam asks and Josh isn’t quite sure if it’s disbelieving or just him not understanding. Either way he doesn’t want to hurt Sam so he’ll have to explain whether or not he’s sure about having the wrong words for this or not.

 

“Losing you would be worse than never meeting you. So-“ Josh clears his throat. “It’d kill me.”

 

Sam is quiet for what feels like an eternity, “So you’d break up with me _before_ I get myself ‘blown up’ then?”

 

The idea hurts. Sam dying, Josh breaking up with him, it’s so weird and wrong and it hurts, but Josh doesn’t really know how to explain this shit, hypothetical other lives and whatever.

 

“No,” he says firmly. “As soon as I meet you it’s over. Gotta stick around. I’m saying that I wouldn’t want to meet you in the first place.”

 

Sam frowns. “That’s a bit harsh.”

 

For a moment Josh is worried Sam will take it the wrong way, that he’ll be mad or sad or anything in between because he thinks Josh means that he doesn’t love him, that Josh wouldn’t love any other version of him. Josh has no idea how parallel universes and this shit work and he doesn’t care but he can’t imagine a world where he doesn’t fall in love with Sam when he meets him. It’s just that if he’s gonna lose him anyway, Josh isn’t sure he’d have the personal greatness or whatever to be one of these people that say ‘better loved and lost than not loved at all’.

 

“Hey _you_ were the one calling me a dick.” Josh points out and Sam snorts at that.

 

“So…” he sighs dramatically. “No happy ending for military me? Tragic.”

 

“You’d be dead anyway. You wouldn’t care.”

 

Sam snorts. “What if I ...was just horribly maimed? Or like, all fucked up in the head?”

 

Josh tilts his head, “And I was already your trophy boyfriend? Like no chance to not having met your sorry ass?”

 

Sam grins. “Nope.  Already mine.”

 

Josh pretends to think. The answer is easy. Of course it is. It’s not even a question. “Well then it wouldn’t matter.” He says acting nonchalant even though the thought of it, of Sam getting hurt, makes him close his arms around him a little tighter, pull him a little closer. “I’d love you. No matter what. In sickness and health and all that.”

 

Sam’s grin gets even brighter. “I thought we weren’t married yet?  You just said ‘trophy _boyfriend_ ’.”

 

“Doesn’t matter.” Josh simply says.

 

“You’d love me?” Sam asks and even though there is still a smile on his lips, the almost inaudible wonder in his voice makes Josh’s chest tight.

 

“Yes.” He says firmly, because apparently some part of Sam needs this reassurance, even if it’s only for some hypothetical other-reality-Sam.

 

“Forever?” Sam  inquires further. “No matter what?

 

“Sam…” Josh shifts a little. Sam knows he would, right? He knows Josh love shim and right now, right this second he can’t imagine that ever changing. Sam knows that, he just has to.

 

“Fine.” Sam gives in, shrugging like it doesn’t matter, fumbling for the remote control to unmute the little TV Josh has in his room.

 

“Yes forever.” Josh says, giving in after only a few moments of nothing but the sound of some weird Christmas coffee commercial fills the silence between them. “And no matter what. Okay? Satisfied?” He tries to glare at Sam, but something tells him it’s probably more of puppy eyes and him blushing like the embarrassed idiot he is which isn’t quite what he was going for but it gets him a kiss from Sam and a smile paired with that soft laugh of his that is only reserved for Josh so he’ll take it.

 

“Could we now please stop talking about you hypothetically dying or getting blown to pieces or whatever? Because-“

 

Sam silences him with a kiss.

 

**Author's Note:**

> as i said this was written as a gift and in realtion to the work of my friend RaccoonBot <3  
> (there was also a word limit which is why this is sweet and short 2k instead my usual word vomit)


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